


Too Many Sleepless Nights

by Mkayswritings



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [11]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Boyfriends, Depression, Exhaustion, Insomnia, Isolation, M/M, Making Up, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-lawsuit, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 03:36:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21292988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mkayswritings/pseuds/Mkayswritings
Summary: Prompt: InsomniaBad luck seemed to hit Buck from the bomb to the tsunami while being stuck on light duty at the firehouse. It wasn’t until after the lawsuit that things for worse for Buck, the team he thought was a family ignored him, nightmares plagued him and there being ptsd and insomnia on top of that. Will anyone notice or will Buck continue to silently suffer?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1095834
Comments: 8
Kudos: 306
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Too Many Sleepless Nights

The apartment was dark as the only light source was coming from the TV that Buck was sitting in front of. Sleeping wasn’t going to happen tonight as he was being plagued by nightmares and insomnia that was keeping him up at night. Buck couldn’t really recall when he actually got a full night’s sleep without having to worry about his troubles. Besides everything that has been going on at the firehouse, cold shoulders and glares seem to follow him around on a daily basis. Buck had his reasons for it as trying to get the team to forgive him wasn’t easy. They were obviously avoiding him, especially the one person that he truly cared about, Eddie refused to even look at him. He knew that he was truly alone as Buck was still stuck on light duty despite getting his job back. No one wanted to work with him, he could tell just by the looks that continued to appear across their faces. 

The apologies that he has given many times obviously weren’t working so Buck just stopped, he didn’t know what else to do. Gaining the trust that was once there needed to be built again if there was a chance he would be able to get it back. Buck had his doubts though, he didn’t know if he could get them back as the family that they once were. He knew that he still had Maddie, but the hesitation was there to reach out since there was always a chance she would be with Chimney. Maddie was happy with him and had her own life now that she was finally free from Doug, he didn’t want to come between that. She deserved it after everything Doug did to her, she earned that freedom. 

Eyes flickered over to the clock, letting out a small groan at the time, it was only three in the morning as Buck didn’t have to be at the station until noon. He was just wasting time sitting here though, he didn’t know what to do. The TV was turned off before Buck pulled himself up the stairs flopping down on his bed to try and get some sleep. If he could get any at all while trying not to dread what another day at the firehouse was going to bring. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The alarm clock caused Buck to groan who forced himself out of the bed still feeling exhausted. He was only able to get a few hours of sleep as those thoughts running through his head kept him up. He just couldn’t get the thoughts to stop and there was no one that he could call who would be willing to listen to him. Buck was debating about going to a professional who would at least give him someone to talk to about this. But he was hesitating because of what happened with the last one. Of course, that was when he was Buck 1.0 which is something that he’s rather not fall back into because of Eddie. Even though his boyfriend has continued to ignore him since he came back to the firehouse. He knew that he had lost him and their relationship was something that he’d probably never get back. He didn’t deserve Eddie, he didn’t deserve anyone that had been in Buck’s life. 

Forcing himself out of the apartment, Buck headed out to his Jeep planning on grabbing some coffee on the way to work. The thought of food had been making him feel a bit nauseous lately as his meals had been small. Enough to where he didn’t feel like he was going to throw up, he didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want anything, just his family to forgive him and Eddie to talk to him again. 

Buck forced himself to walk in the firehouse ignoring the glares that were thrown his way, glares that he got used to seeing. He just got changed into his uniform before checking to see what chores were given or just sitting in the office that had been his when he was the fire marshal. It was part of the light duty part still as that’s where Buck had been spending most of his time when he wasn’t cleaning around the building. A small breath escaped him as he flopped down in the chair leaning back in it. He wanted to sleep, but knew that it would only cause those nightmares to appear again and he knew that his insomnia would keep him from sleeping. 

He just turned his attention to working though as that was the one thing that kept his mind drifting to the thoughts that ran through his head each night. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Eddie was already there by the time that Buck arrived who was focused on making sure that the trucks were ready for the day. His gaze did land on Buck when he passed by as it wasn’t hard to notice the bags that rested underneath his eyes. The urge was there to reach out to him, but the anger was still there. He couldn’t bring himself to forgive Buck that easily, it was hard to despite the concern that Eddie suddenly felt. Concern toward the man that he had been dating for awhile now, someone that he knew he cared about even if he was hesitating right now. The anger was keeping him away from Buck, he knew that deep down. 

A sigh escaped him before he left the truck deciding to go check on Buck, he missed him. He missed hearing his voice. Eddie was going to try and keep that anger held back since he didn’t want to yell at Buck, he was tired of yelling and tired of feeling this way. The hope was there that his boyfriend would be willing to talk to him about whatever was plaguing him, it wasn’t hard to tell that something was wrong. Christopher had been dealing with nightmares which was causing him to wonder if Buck was going through the same thing, nightmares would be a good explanation on why dark bags were resting underneath his eyes. That was unknown on if that was actually the cause because of how distant Eddie had been, he didn’t know what was going on in Buck’s life at the moment. 

Eddie stood in the doorway of the office watching the one who was sitting behind the desk, Buck was focused on the paperwork sitting in front of him, not even noticing that he was standing there. Silence filled the air, not really knowing what to say or how to get his attention without getting angry at him. Maybe knocking on the door or saying his name? Eddie was trying to figure out what to say, he was concerned as all he wanted to do was hug his boyfriend who looked defeated and not the Buck that he knew 

“Buck? You okay?” 

Blue eyes glanced up which normally were filled with life seemed dull as if he had given up, he just turned his attention back to the paperwork though 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night.” 

Eddie bit his lip slightly knowing that Buck wasn’t going to tell what was going on with him, he knew that by the answer that was given. It might of been because of how the team had been treated him since his return and the issue with the lawsuit, Buck probably felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone. No matter how hard he wanted to. It didn’t seem like Eddie was going to get the answers this way, he needed to bring this to the team’s attention before something could happen. He could see that the treatment shown toward Buck was affecting him and not in a good way, they needed to fix this quickly. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Eddie had brought it to Bobby’s attention first figuring that it was best to talk to him before the rest of the team, the concern that he had for Buck was genuine. The look on his face proved it to Bobby who took one look at the youngest of the team, he looked dead on his feet and that he was about to keel over at any moment. It was obvious to see that something was going on with Buck who most likely wasn’t going to spill since everyone knew how stubborn he could be. A stubbornness that has appeared multiple times in the past since he became a firefighter and the stories that Maddie had given when they had grown up together. 

Eddie was going to invite Buck over to his house as it might be the only way to get him to talk plus Christopher would be there. He knew that Buck could never say no to his son, the two were close as he felt guilty that he had been keeping them apart. There were just so many things that were making Eddie angry and causing him to spiral, the issues with Christopher and the lawsuit being that main cause. Plus the reason why he had gone to deal with that anger in street fighting, a secret that he was trying to keep from everyone. It was a release to get rid of all that anger that had built up, anger that he was trying to get rid of. 

He just hoped that he could get Buck to agree to stay the night if his boyfriend would respond to him once their shifts were over for the day. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The firehouse had fallen quiet as Buck had parked it on the couch while there was only an hour left of his shift, his work around the large building had already been completed though. All he had to do was now wait before he could go home to spend sleepless hours sitting in front of the TV or just laying in his bed until it was time for him to go back to work. An arm rested over his eyes while Buck was fighting the heavy feeling that lingered over his head, he didn’t want to fall asleep here. The last thing that Buck wanted to do because there was a high chance that he could fall into a nightmare which might make things a lot worse for him. He knows that the team hasn’t forgiven him yet despite how hard he had been trying to get them to, distancing himself seemed like the best thing to do as the many apologies have fallen on deaf ears. 

There were a lot of mixed emotions that Buck was going through while trying to gain the family that had been ignoring him, feelings that he just wanted to go away. The crying, restlessness, random mood swings, and the thoughts repeating over and over again were annoying, he hated them. He wanted them to stop, but it seemed that wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t even know how to get them to stop as trying to deal and ignore them wasn’t helping at all, he just seemed to be drowning deeper and deeper into the depression that was threatening to swallow Buck whole. Plus a feeling of being just a worthless burden that no one cared about because of the team who only gave him glares filled with hate each passing day. 

Buck feels worthless trying to deal with the nightmares, sleepless nights, and the depression. As anyone who was inside of this building would see the nightmares as nothing but a disturbing nuisance that no one would want to deal with, not that he could blame them. That’s all that he’s been since he returned to the firehouse, a burden that no one wanted to face all because of the stupid lawsuit that he went through. The young firefighter just wanted his job and family back, that was all that he wanted since the moment his leg had been crushed by the firetruck during the bombing incident. An incident that took everything away from him, it had to be the start of everything screwed up the life that Buck had worked so hard to get. 

The exhaustion that Buck was desperately trying to fight ended up winning over as it didn’t take him long to fall asleep with that arm resting over his eyes still. Exhaustion that dragged him away leaving him vulnerable to any nightmares that might plague his mind if any decided to appear at all. 

Bobby has finished talking to the team, voicing the concerns about Buck as everyone realized what mistakes that they had been making by avoiding the youngest member of the team. Especially when a picture was shown of how terrible he actually looked, he was dead on his feet and the obvious signs of weight loss, his mood throughout the day, and how quiet he had been. It seemed like Buck was dealing with a mixture of things without having a way to voice his struggles since he probably thought that he didn’t have anyone to talk to. Unless he was talking to Maddie, but Chimney hadn’t heard her bring up anything about her brother lately despite how close the two were. 

Eddie was about to go look for Buck when a small noise coming from upstairs caught his attention, it reminded him of when Christopher was dealing with the nightmares that have been bothering him for awhile now. The father had lost track of how many nightmares his son had during that time, he was trying to get him through it, but there was only so much that he could do. Deciding to check out the source of the noise, Eddie jogged up the stairs before finding the sleeping form of Buck passed out on the couch who seemed to be mumbling in his sleep. Words that were hard to make out because of how low the mumbles were. 

With some caution, he approached the couch carefully resting his hand against Buck’s shoulder with a gentle shake 

“Buck, wake up.” 

It seemed to take a few tries as Eddie focused on trying to wake him up as the mumbles continued from his boyfriend. Concern did rest against his face while he tried to get Buck to wake up from the supposed nightmare that he seemed trapped in 

“Wake up, Evan. It’s okay, I promise. Just wake up.” 

Buck seemed to jerk awake after that sitting up quickly while his chest was heaving just a bit, giving more proof that he had been stuck in a nightmare. The signs were there as he just buried his face into his hands trying to ignore the nightmare and the exhaustion that lingered over him still. Eddie wanted to comfort him, but he had a feeling that Buck might pull away if he tried. His hand carefully rested against his knee though trying to give any type of comfort he could, his hand wasn’t pushed away at least. Hopefully, that was a good sign that the other wasn’t going to push him away. 

“Take him home, Eddie. He needs to sleep.” Bobby’s voice rang out across the room as his words weren’t a request, they were a command spoken as the concerned captain that he was. Eddie nodded as getting Buck out of here was for the best, he needed to sleep for as long as possible without anyone or anything bothering him. 

Running his fingers through Buck’s brown-colored hair, he tried his best to reassure him a bit more knowing that the nightmare was still bothering him 

“Come on, Buck. We’re going home.” 

A small nod was given before Buck got up from the couch following Eddie to his car who made sure that he wouldn’t stumble over his feet. The car was quiet though as Eddie wasn’t going to let Buck stay alone tonight especially because of his struggles trying to sleep at night, he would make sure that he could sleep without having to worry about anything tonight. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The house was quiet as Carla had already gotten Christopher to bed by the time that Eddie and Buck arrived at his house. Buck had been hesitant about staying over as it took a quite of bit of reassuring on Eddie’s part that he wanted him to stay plus Christopher would be happy to see him in the morning. They wanted him to sleep as Carla did voice her concern once she was Buck, resting her hands against his face before giving him a big hug. Food was placed in front of them as Carla insisted especially for Buck since it seemed that he hadn’t kept in touch with her either, he refused to say no though as everyone who knew her knew not to get on her bad side. She rarely took no for an answer. 

Eddie was grateful what Carla was there before she left to go home for the night leaving Buck in his care. They soon were laying down on his bed as Buck ended up using his chest as a pillow falling asleep fairly quickly, one of his arms rested across his waist with the TV quietly playing in the background. The two would be talking in the morning, but the feeling of relief was there since Buck was sleeping and everything was calm. The hope was there that he was able to sleep without being woken up by anything, but he would be there to reassure if anything was going to happen. Eyes glanced down at Buck though watching his sleeping face as Eddie refused to move since he didn’t want to wake him up, sleep and hopefully the comfort that he was giving would be enough for now. 

Eddie closed his eyes resting his chin against the top of Buck’s head who shifted in his sleep snuggling into his chest once more. A light smile graced his lips for a moment while he was waiting to doze off into sleep himself keeping that protective arm resting around Buck’s waist. He was determined to make sure that nothing like this was going to happen again to him, it was probably going to take a bit of time to build up that trust once more, but this was a good start though. 

A start that Eddie was willing to take since Buck obviously wanted to be here since he’s being used as a pillow right now. That has to be a sign that they are on the right track to fixing things between the both of them and fixing whatever mess will be waiting back for Buck at the firehouse. He knows that the team is going to make up everything to him as Bobby promised that he would be cooking a few favorites of Buck’s tomorrow. 

Tomorrow was hopefully going to be a good start for the both of them, Eddie might have to work hard to fix the relationship that they had before the issues with the lawsuit appeared. All he cared about now was for Buck to be okay and that these nightmares would end with his help of course, since he’s the one thing that he needs the most at the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Buddie fans! I hope you enjoy this next oneshot for the boys! I had a lot of fun writing this one and thanks to RavensCAT for looking it over! I am looking forward to reading your comments though! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr, twitter, and instagram under mkayswritings!


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